India
Ramesh grew up in Bengaluru, also known as Bangalore, a city in southern India with a population of millions. She lived not only with her parents and sister, but also with her grandparents and her father’s brothers’ families. “In India, it’s common for sons and their families to live with their parents. Most never move out. Daughters, once married, move in with their husband’s family. We lived with a total of fifteen people. My grandparents lived in the main house, where we ate together every evening. After dinner, each family went back to their own ‘tiny house’. All houses were connected.” When Ramesh was ten years old, she moved with her sister and parents to a self-built house. Why? “Our living situation was very tense, and building your own house carries a certain prestige in India.” She’s from a middle-class family, neither rich nor poor.
Ramesh went to university at eighteen. “Many people in Bengaluru choose to study engineering. It’s also known as the Silicon Valley of India, home to lots of tech companies.” Although Ramesh also went for this “safe” option, her passion lay elsewhere. “I read all these books where people talked about their feelings – even to others! I wasn’t used to that. When I discovered you could even make a career out of it, I was sold.” She didn’t tell her parents about her secret interest in psychology, but reluctantly completed her bachelor’s degree in biotech engineering.
Identity crisis
“As a woman in India, you can’t just do what you want. I longed to. Many young people move to places with more job opportunities.” Ramesh left for Europe. “Tuition fees here are affordable, unlike in Australia and the US. In Germany, you can even study for free.” Germany it was. Her parents, despite their concerns (“They called me every day”), were proud of her for being accepted into a foreign university. In 2017, at 24 years old, Ramesh started her master’s degree in bioinformatics in Saarbrücken. “So, I ended up doing what I’d been trying to avoid all those years – computer science”, she laughs. What happened to her passion for psychology? “It had waned a bit. I’d never really looked into it. Bioinformatics seemed the logical choice.” After completing her degree, she secured a job in the field. Everything was going according to plan, but Ramesh wasn’t happy. “I realised I was only doing what my parents expected of me, not what I wanted. I was ticking boxes on a list that wasn’t mine.” She found herself caught in an identity crisis. She didn’t enjoy sitting at a computer all day and missed interacting with people. Her social life also suffered. “I was the only non-European at work. My colleagues didn’t understand me, and they didn’t try. I was all alone in a foreign country.” She became so depressed that she sought therapy.
Her therapist reignited Ramesh’s passion for psychology with enthusiastic stories about studying in Maastricht. By this time, Ramesh had been working for three years, paid off her loan for living expenses and looked into the field. She was certain: psychology was right for her. The question was whether to stay in Germany. “German universities required impossibly high grades for admission. Plus, UM offered the programme in English.” She decided to move to Maastricht. “It was the first time I made a decision for me.” And she’s still happy she did. “It’s a whole new world. I have so many options now.” After completing her studies, does she want to pursue a career in research or practice? “Both, actually. I want to help people as a therapist, but I might pursue a PhD first.” She doesn’t know where yet; to be a therapist in the Netherlands, she would need to learn the language. “That won’t be easy”, she says with a smile.
Marriage
Ramesh lives in Maastricht with her fiancé, whom she met at work in Germany. She’d never introduced previous boyfriends to her parents, but this was different. “For the first time, someone saw me”, she says, smiling. “I was very upfront with him about the fact that I only date with the intention of marriage. That’s how it is in my culture.” In fact, she explains, dating isn’t really a thing in India. Most people have arranged marriages, like Ramesh’s parents. “When I told my parents about him, my father asked, ‘When are you getting married?’ They wanted to meet his family right away.” The couple got engaged in April and will get married next August, “in India, of course. You don’t think my parents would approve of the wedding taking place anywhere else, do you?” How do her parents feel about her study and life choices? “They didn’t quite understand at first, but now that they know I’m getting married and someone is taking care of me, it doesn’t matter anymore. There’s this Indian saying: ‘Do whatever you want, but only after marriage.’”