I was fourteen when my parents allowed me to go to the pub for the first time. Yes, I was quite young, but it was normal in our village. Later, my mother would often wave me off. Just before I cycled away from the house, she’d call after me, “I don’t have to say it, do I?!” She never put it in so many words, but I knew exactly what she meant. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do; in other words, don’t have sex with anyone. Her greatest fear was that I would get pregnant and bring shame on our family. It was the 1970s.
Father
My colleague CF is about two generations younger than me. She grew up during a time when the Dutch government used the slogan “A smart girl is prepared for her future” to promote women’s empowerment and employment. No stern words of warning for her. When she got her first boyfriend, her father suggested she go on the pill, and so she did. He, too, didn’t want his daughter to get pregnant unintentionally – not out of fear of shame, but because of how it would affect her future.
Our colleague LvdL is a generation younger than CF. She went on the pill when the time was right for her. Neither of her parents had anything to do with the decision.
Students' questions about sex
Our meeting this week had already ended when we exchanged experiences, sometimes laughing. The conversation was prompted by our upcoming series for the next academic year, in which UM sexologist Marieke Dewitte will answer students’ questions about sex and sexuality.
Pleasure
A few facts: young people are having sex later, as shown by recent research from Rutgers. Both pill use and condom use are declining, while there has been a rise in the number of people who have experienced sexual misconduct. And consent currently plays a big role in sex education, Dewitte told Observant. This is a positive development, she thinks, although there should also be more focus on the joyful and pleasurable aspects of sex.
Spring fever
Monday 4 March marks the beginning of Spring Fever Week, during which primary schools in the Netherlands educate children on “resilience, relationships and sexuality”, as it says on the organisation’s website. A good moment for Observant to take to social media and ask students to submit their burning questions about sex and sexuality. We will put them to sexologist Dewitte – anonymously, of course.
Do you have a question? Ask it here.