The fall marks the anniversary of when I moved from Canada to the Netherlands, and this year is a monumental one: I have now lived here for half of my life.
I thought I would only come here to complete my bachelor’s degree. Then I decided I would only stay to complete my master’s degree. And the rest is history. I fell in love with this country and with so many of the people in it, including my husband and now, our two kids. Still, it hurts to miss my ‘first home’ and, increasingly, to realize I cannot ‘just’ move back. My life has become interwoven with the Netherlands, and it is not just about me anymore.
Coincidentally, this year I was paired as a mentor with a student who recently moved here from North America, ‘just’ to complete her master’s degree. I could relate to her feelings. I remembered my own first weeks, crying in my dorm room, wondering why on earth I had wanted to move so far away.
According to research on homesickness among students, it may seem counterintuitive, but maintaining contact, like a daily call with parents, can help. However, it is equally important to form new relationships. First, with other students from your home country (or who are at least also away from home) and who can relate to your feelings and discuss home-related things (e.g., planning Canadian Thanksgiving). Second, with local students, who can help you feel more connected here (e.g., baking vlaai).
Another research-backed strategy is to immerse yourself in activities you enjoy, such as via a sports club. One thing that also helped me as a student was having a planned trip home to look forward to (e.g., a white Christmas in Canada).
What if you’re like me and are living away from your ‘first home’ permanently, or at least for the foreseeable future? Decorate your house with memories, cook traditional meals, and integrate rituals. That’s why you’ll recognize our home as the one that is already decorated for Halloween and smells like apple pies and butter tarts.
Last, I am trying to make peace with the fact that life simply becomes increasingly ‘messy’ as we age and there is no way to ‘cure’ my homesickness, and that is okay. It’s the result of this complicated and beautiful life, and I am lucky to have love on both sides of the ocean.
Jessica Alleva, assistant professor at the Faculty of Psychology and Neuroscience