There is still a widespread misconception that everyone is “straight, binary, cisgender and monogamous”, says Dewitte, who consulted Kai Jonas, professor of Applied Social Psychology with a focus on LGBTQI+ diversity and health, for this instalment. “Especially with the shift to the right in society, you increasingly hear comments like, ‘It’s just a trend’ or ‘They just want attention.’ Some political parties are even proposing anti-LGBTQIA+ legislation. Meanwhile, there’s still a lack of proper media representation – many TV shows and films continue to stereotype men who have sex with men, for example.”
All of which is to say: it’s completely understandable if you feel nervous about telling people that you don’t fit into one of the boxes mentioned above. “But it’s also brave, authentic and important. It’s good for people to see how diverse society really is and to realise that they, too, know people who identify as queer.”
Your story
If you’re about to take this step, try to prepare yourself, says Dewitte. “What reactions might you get? What questions might people have? It’s helpful to first have a clear understanding of what it means to you to be, say, non-binary or bisexual.” When the time comes, try not to worry too much. "In your mind, it can grow into a much bigger problem than it actually is. You don’t need to have ready-made answers; just share your story, your experience, and how you feel about it. Share this with someone you trust, and if that goes well, you can build on that positive experience." University can be a good environment for that. "People don’t know your 'old' identity, so you have less to explain."
Negative reaction
Also, consider how you might handle a negative reaction. “Men tend to show less understanding, so maybe you could start by telling close female friends, to build positive experiences.” Not many people will directly say that they have an issue with it, but they might show it more subtly. “For example, guys who used to greet each other with a kiss might stop doing so when they learn their friend is attracted to men.”
Openness
And if it’s your child or friend opening up to you? “Start by saying how brave it is for them to tell you. Thank them for trusting you with this. Acknowledge that they’ve likely had to overcome some obstacles to say it. And if you find yourself feeling taken aback because it’s not what you expected, just be honest and say so. Don’t say you’re fine with it if your body language says otherwise. Instead, show interest and openness. You could say something like, “I’m a bit surprised, but could you tell me more? I’d like to hear your story.’”