Discovering your own values is part of growing up, says Dewitte. “This doesn’t mean you no longer respect your parents’ beliefs and values, but it does mean you don’t unquestioningly adopt them yourself. It means you figure out who you want to be based on what matters to you, not what others expect of you.”
Own path
If your new views on sexuality are very different from those you were raised with, you might still hear a disapproving voice in your head from time to time, she explains. “That’s the old version of you judging the new one. Acknowledge this voice, but don’t let it hold you back. You’re allowed to choose your own path in life.”
And what about your parents? How should you deal with them? “Making different choices doesn’t mean you’ve stopped respecting or caring about them – that’s important to remember. There may be things you can’t share with them, but that’s normal. Most adults don’t tell their parents everything.”
Small steps
When embarking on a journey of sexual exploration, Dewitte suggests taking small steps at first. “What feels comfortable for you? You might begin by seeking information about sex on websites like rutgers.nl and iedereenisanders.nl.” You could also watch series or films like Sex Education, a series following the lives of teenagers at a British secondary school as they discover the ups and downs of sex and sexuality, or Fucking Åmål, a film telling the story of the budding romance between two girls in Åmål, a small Swedish town. “Or pick up an erotic novel”, she adds.
Then there’s the physical aspect: have you ever explored your own body before? “If you haven’t, skip the genital areas initially. Start by paying attention to how it feels when you slowly lather yourself in the shower, for example. How does that touch affect your body?” You can gradually progress from there. “Begin exploring your genitals. How does it feel when you touch them? What do you enjoy? For inspiration, you can visit websites like De Paarse Keizerin.” Other websites, such as sense.nl (available in Dutch and English) and omgyes.com, also offer guidance on sexual techniques.
Partnered sex
As a final step, Dewitte says, you can consider involving others in your journey. Again, it’s a good idea to take it slow. “Start by talking about sex with close friends, for example. Exchange ideas – how do they think about certain things? Don’t begin looking for a partner unless you feel ready to date and explore partnered sex.”