I was a difficult teenager. Yes, I was a total rebel. I wore alternative clothes and talked back to teachers. This one time, I even told a teacher who had it in for me that I’d set my father on him. [Laughs] My father is a very mild-mannered and religious man, but of course the teacher didn’t know that. A lot of it was bravado, but part of my behaviour stemmed from insecurity. And an aversion to authority, which I think I got from my maternal grandfather. Unlike my father, he wanted nothing to do with the Church. He used to live next door to the parish priest and saw the hypocrisy firsthand. The man happily ate meat on Fridays, for example.
I’m fascinated by... the question of why people choose to do evil, to harm others. I always have been. I was occasionally bullied as a child, but retaliating always made me feel awful. While studying philosophy in Nijmegen, I became even more fascinated by it. Before that, I’d already completed a degree in Health Sciences in Maastricht. I had to work with lab animals during an internship, and I thought, “I don’t want to do this.” I originally planned to focus on bioethics in Nijmegen, but I soon became captivated by philosophers like Friedrich Schelling and Immanuel Kant and their views on free will and moral evil. They argue that free will is the ability to choose evil.
"I’ve been declared 80 to 100 per cent unfit for work. But after completing two degrees, I wasn’t just going to sit at home"
This is how I used to imagine my future: doing research, teaching, speaking at conferences, travelling the world. I could’ve gone on to do a PhD in Nijmegen, but my doctor advised against it. During my studies, I developed chronic inflammation of the colon caused by colitis, an autoimmune disease. I didn’t respond well to medication and eventually, in 2012, my colon had to be removed. It’s had a major impact on my life. I can’t travel far because I always need to be near a toilet, get tired easily and need lots of rest. I’ve been declared 80 to 100 per cent unfit for work. But after completing two degrees, I wasn’t just going to sit at home. I was thrilled when, in 2020, my alma mater UM gave me the opportunity to return for a part-time job of 12 hours per week. And through my work – communicating news and events through the institute’s website and social media – I stay up to date with academia. What I do isn’t rocket science, but I’m glad to be supporting researchers.
What’s your favourite music? Metal and classical music. It might sound like a strange combination, but apparently, it’s not that unusual. I love the harmony of classical music, and you find that in old-school metal from the 1970s and 1980s, too. There’s none of that over-the-top satanic screaming, though – that’s not my thing at all. The genre is influenced by the Renaissance and Baroque, which really speaks to me. Same with art; Raphael’s The School of Athens is one of my favourite works.
"I am interested in the idea of reincarnation. But not the woo-woo stuff or Ghost Hunters, I can’t stand that"
Do you have any pets? I found my cat, Lizzie, on the street in 2019. She was very small and not chipped. The vet estimated that she was around four months old. Since then, I’ve become even more aware of animals’ will to survive, even in a spider or beetle in the garden. All living beings matter. I think factory farming is evil – it deliberately inflicts suffering on animals. That’s why I’ve been a vegetarian since I was fifteen.
I dream of having a family. I used to imagine getting married and having children, but physically, that’s no longer an option for me. I’ve also had bad luck in love – I fell for the wrong person more than once, going for looks rather than compatibility. I haven’t had a partner in years, and I’m quite content this way. There’s no one to disappoint, either. If I ever meet someone I click with, I’m open to giving it another try, but I’m not actively looking. No dating apps for me.
Is there life after death? I don’t believe in eternal damnation in Hell. I’m against organised religion – it’s caused more harm than good. I am interested in the idea of reincarnation, though. Not the woo-woo stuff or Ghost Hunters, I can’t stand that. But the concept of consciousness beyond the body, which is actually being studied. It’s not that I’m convinced reincarnation is real, but I find it a comforting thought.
"Without my illness, I probably would’ve been a less pleasant person to myself and others"
I’m happy. Yes, I am. Of course, my illness hasn’t been easy – I’ve done plenty of crying over it. You have to watch what you eat and often have to make do with dry biscuits. Long-distance holidays are off the table. And you find out who your real friends are. Some people can’t deal with the fact that you mostly meet at your home and don’t go out much, or that you often have to cancel plans at the last minute. That’s very difficult. But it’s also made the friendships I still have even stronger. I’ve come to terms with it and can talk about it openly now. It is what it is. I try to make the most of the things I can control, and that’s enough. And you have to count your blessings – I have a nice job, my cat, both my parents are still alive, I don’t need a wheelchair. I have a rich inner life, I love to read and I’m never bored. Without my illness, I probably would’ve been a less pleasant person to myself and others – more impatient, more arrogant, less empathetic. I see that sometimes in students whose lives have been smooth sailing so far, who take everything for granted. I used to be like that, too.