I am beginning my last academic year of paid employment. According to the Dutch rules, I will retire on my 67th birthday in May 2026. I’m more or less OK with this. In better financial times, I would certainly be happy that my departure would create space for younger colleagues.
Just as we now try to help new colleagues find their way through a process of ‘onboarding’, those of us who leave are ‘offboarded’. I’ve been trying to discover what this means. It seems to be yet another example of corporate-speak permeating universities. In corporate settings, one purpose of offboarding is to ensure the employer retains all physical and intellectual property. It won’t be a problem to return my four-year old laptop and any unused pens and paper.
Handing over my accumulated intellectual property contradicts the university’s commitment to open science. And it might be difficult, as I’ve reached the age where I no longer know what I know and don’t know. Sticking with the water-related language, common in Dutch sayings, I hope waterboarding isn’t involved to try to get me to give up my secrets, about the university and about my research.
Somebody from what we now call the ‘People and Development Team’ might want to hold an ‘exit interview’ with me. This sounds like the final chat with a doctor to confirm a euthanasia decision. ‘Offboarding’ also sounds rather ominous. Is my dean going to push me into the Maas on my birthday next year? Which bridge is used for offboarding? She’s younger, so I’m not sure if I can outrun her. I am bigger than she is, so might be able to escape. Will she call upon the rector for help?
One thing I do know is that universities should not aspire to emulate private corporations, neither in words nor deeds. And words do matter. People and Development is a bit better than Human Resources. The latter was dehumanising, suggesting that we (people who work here) were similar to the laptops, pens, buildings, desks, chairs and other resources, to be written off – financially and metaphorically – as our value declined.
Sally Wyatt, professor of Digital Cultures