My childhood bedroom window looked out on… high mountains. I grew up in a small town in Colorado. Our house was perched on the edge of a hill, so it felt like it was on stilts. My room looked out over the valley, the forest and our neighbours’ scary house. It was scary because the porch light and their flag cast strange shadows that made my imagination run wild. Was it a nice place to grow up? I adore the landscape – it will always be part of my soul. But the community was insular and deeply religious. When my brother and I dressed as Egyptian gods one Halloween, the parent committee got involved. Apparently, we were worshipping the devil.
The best and worst parts of working in academia. The best part is meeting people from all sorts of backgrounds, especially here in Maastricht. The worst part is having to deal with big egos and a system that rewards narcissism. Whether you’re trying to get a PhD position or a grant, it pays to be good at self-promotion.
"I love trashy monster movies, especially stop-motion horror, but I also enjoy films like Godzilla"
What news makes you angry? Oh, there are so many contenders. Anything involving animal cruelty. Humanity is on a quest for power and has become clever in its cruelty. I’ve always had a soft spot for animals; I wanted to be a primatologist when I was younger. Now I have two cats, adopted from Spain during the pandemic. We picked them up from an abandoned airport because people weren’t allowed to fly.
Favourite film? I love trashy monster movies, especially stop-motion horror, but I also enjoy films like Godzilla. I remember my mother once walking out of the cinema during a war film – her first husband had served in Vietnam. At the time, I thought she was being overly sensitive, but now that I’m older I understand. I encounter so much suffering in my work [research on migration], I don’t want drama for entertainment.
I call my mother… often. She’s very funny and shares these awful nuggets of wisdom. She might sarcastically say that it’s better to look good than feel good, even though neither is true for her at the moment because of health issues. She likes to make light of things. My father – my parents are divorced – is very different. He’s incredibly compassionate and a great listener, but he’s also somewhat distant. It’s hard to connect with him. He’s built for solitude, in a way. Sometimes he disappears into the wilderness – for two weeks last summer. No one knows where he is; he leaves his phone at home. He doesn’t understand that we worry. He was just fishing!
"I’m not sure I’d have the oomph to emigrate again"
A country I’d like to live in. Honestly, I’m very happy in the Netherlands. And I’m not sure I’d have the oomph to emigrate again. It takes so much effort at first – learning a new language and culture, making new friends. Even moving back to the US would be hard. I’ve been away so long, everything has changed. I’d have to get to know the country, the culture and even the language again. The other day, I tried explaining to my mother that we need a new central heating boiler, but I didn’t know the English word. I came here at 22; I was never a home-owning adult in the US.
What’s the hardest part of love? Realising that you and your partner might say the same thing but mean something completely different. I’m used to clearly naming my emotions – maybe that’s an American thing, or maybe it’s just how I was raised. My Dutch partner expresses his emotions without words; I have to read between the lines.
This is a must-read book. Two books by the same author, primatologist Frans de Waal. Are We Smart Enough to Know How Smart Animals Are? is about how humans perceive animal intelligence and how these views have evolved over time. It shows how scientists strive to discover the truth. The second book, Different, is a very nuanced exploration of gender from all kinds of perspectives, illustrating how scientists approach complex topics.
"Early in our relationship, we had several arguments about the value of boiled potatoes"
I spend too much time on my phone. Yes, I do. I can completely lose myself searching for recipes. I’m the cook at home; my partner can do many things, but he can’t cook. Early in our relationship, we had several arguments about the value of boiled potatoes. We’ve now reached a compromise – lots of gravy. Do I miss American food? I used to, and my mother would send me packages of ingredients so I could cook it myself. But these days, supermarkets here stock everything I want.
My partner’s best quality is that… he’s incredibly empathetic. It’s easy to miss – his confidence sometimes makes people assume he has already made up his mind – but he constantly gauges how others feel about each decision he makes. It makes him an excellent leader.