What do you miss most about home? The food, especially isombe – cassava leaves mashed and cooked into a stew with peanut butter and other vegetables. My family: two brothers, a sister, cousins I think of as sisters. And, of course, my friends from secondary school. We’re spread all over the world now, not just in different countries but even on different continents.
What do you enjoy most about living on your own? Being independent. Back home in Rwanda, my mother kept a close eye on me. She’s very strict – I always had to be home by six! No, that’s not normal in Rwanda; my friends could stay out late. She also wants us to eat really healthily. I do, but I allow myself the occasional cheat meal.
What makes you angry? Everything that’s going on in the world – all the conflicts in places like Palestine, DR Congo, Sudan, Iran. It feels like things are only getting worse, as if all the progress we’ve made on human rights, women’s rights and minority rights is being undone.
"My father also has an extroverted side, but those genes skipped me"
I take after… my father, in terms of looks. People sometimes joke and ask if I’m sure my mother is really my mother, because we don’t look alike at all. Personality-wise, I take after both of them, but mostly after my father. I’m a bit introverted like him. He also has an extroverted side, but those genes skipped me and went straight to my sister.
What kind of friend are you? I naturally gravitate towards other women, maybe because I went to an all-girls boarding school, but also because I grew up surrounded by women. You can come to me with your problems, and I’ll try to help you solve them. But if I think you’re in the wrong, I’ll tell you. If you can’t do that, you’re not really a friend, just an acquaintance. If your friends won’t tell you to apologise, who will?
Little habit. Watching YouTube videos when I’m bored, while cooking, or just before bed to unwind from the day. I enjoy video essays on topics like overconsumption, but also lighter ones, like someone commenting on the reality show Love Island. I always watch something while eating. I like films with strong female leads. I sometimes watch African films, but they’re often in Nigerian Pidgin, which I don’t understand very well. I’m improving, though, because my best friend from Nigeria speaks it.
"My father chose my surname, he wanted me to be my own person"
I was named after… no one. My mother and her brother both liked the name Patience, and they agreed that the first one to have a daughter would get to use it. My mother won. My father chose my surname. In Rwanda, children don’t have to take the family name. He wanted me to be my own person. “Mukundwa” comes from a Rwandan song he likes; it means “beloved”.
How do you deal with setbacks? I take a step back and give myself a day before looking for a solution. I also talk things over others – I have a sort of hierarchy for that. [Laughs] With minor problems, I turn to friends. With trickier ones, I turn to my cousin; she’s great at playing devil’s advocate. And if it’s really serious, I call my mother.
If you could magically fix one form of injustice, what would it be? Inequality. I think a lot of other problems stem from that. Fix inequality, and many other things would fall into place. And it affects so many people – there’s gender inequality, racial inequality, economic inequality, you name it. They say “treat others as you want to be treated”, but that’s very subjective. How I want to be treated might be different from someone else. So I’d say: treat everyone the way you believe human beings should be treated – you know, with love.
When was the last time you cried? I cry really easily during films or series. Oh, yes – the last time I cried was during a sad scene in the latest season of Bridgerton.
"I still need to get to know myself better - my strengths and weaknesses"
Always in my suitcase. A book and sunscreen. I like biographies or essay collections by women in business, for inspiration and to learn how to make a difference. I also enjoy books on human psychology and history.
What do you still need to learn? I still need to get to know myself better – my strengths and weaknesses. I think that would also help me understand others better. I do a lot of self-reflection using a journal with exercises like “do something that brings out your inner child”. I’ve already noticed a change: I’m coming out of my shell, becoming less introverted. I’ve also been learning how to be alone here. In boarding school or in my busy family, I was rarely alone.
Is there anything you’ve done that you wouldn’t let your children do? I don’t think I’ve ever done anything terribly naughty – my strict mother simply wouldn’t have allowed it. What I would tell them is: live your life, grab every opportunity, speak up when it matters, and don’t be afraid.